“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I do not believe in circumstances. The people who progress in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, they make them.”-George Bernard Shaw-
A man is heading home after work. Suddenly a car is headed straight for him, coming faster and faster. He gets upset and starts to honk and flash his lights.
But the other car crashes into him anyway. The man is furious and starts yelling louder and louder. Until he realises no one is driving the other car. The brakes failed, and the car drifted into the road with no one in it. He now feels even more upset: he has nobody to blame!
Your life is full of things drifting. But your mind changes your perception. It pushes you to find the driver. When things don’t go your way, you want to blame it on someone else.
When unfortunate events happen to you, how do you react? Do you find someone to blame? Or do you take responsibility for what is under your control?
It is easy and kind of an excuse to put the blame on others or on situations, many people do that because being a victim is a way to justify what happens.
Now, in order to take control of your life, you have to shift your mindset. Few steps on how to do that:
- Ask the Tough Questions
A mindset shift starts by asking yourself key questions. This means envision yourself achieving what you want in life.
Ask yourself are you clear on what is it that you want?
Are you living your life, or what your partner/spouse/parents want you to live?
Are you actively working towards your goals in life?
These aren’t easy questions to give honest answers to. Reflect honestly about how you’re living your life and stepping towards what you really want.
When you know what you want and focus on it, talk about it, and put your energy towards it, you’re more likely to achieve it.
- Find Clarity
When you are clear about your goals, you don’t waste time on things that are irrelevant anymore. You know what you want, and you work towards it.
Clarity and focus shape everything in your life. By taking a larger initiative and breaking it down into manageable steps, it’s easier to work toward your goals.
For example, I had friends that got a new job and straight away bought brand new cars, even though their old cars still ran perfectly well. They added a 3000 DHS payment to their monthly bills. That’s not the best way to hit financial goals.
Clarity helps you avoid common pitfalls that distract from long-term goals. You don’t have time for them. They aren’t helping you in any way.
So, identify the top things that matter most in your life and work towards them. Every month reflect back on what you did that led you closer to your goals.
Are you ready for the next step?
- Make a list.
What can you start doing differently to educate and allow yourself to grow?
What limiting beliefs you are still carrying from the past?
What are you appreciative for?
What new habits do you want to grow?
Once you have some answers, you can make a plan.
While we can’t control those around us – it is important to choose not to be around negative and unhappy people all the time. Maybe you might be thinking… to just cut people off like that? What if they were close family?
Yes, you should cut negative people out of your life. Let me give you an example:
If someone’s boat is sinking and you don’t know how to swim, how are you going to save them if you can’t even save yourself?
Here’s how I see it: You can choose to let go and start taking responsibility for your own life, or you can hold on and sink together. Because unhappiness loves company. If you don’t want to be miserable anymore, you have to do something differently.
If you’re unhappy, it’s not someone else’s fault. It’s yours.
- Dream Big
Open your mind to what’s conceivable. It’s okay if you don’t know exactly what you want but start taking steps as it will give you more clarity. Don’t wait till you have everything figured out to start your journey.
I didn’t know exactly where my career was going when I started out, but I did my best every chance I got. I continued to grow and learn new skills. It didn’t all happen overnight. It took devotion, determination, and a big dream.
- Level Up
Constantly look for chances to level up. Learn new things, get specialised, there’s always a way to create more opportunities for yourself.
Most people only see the results of your work. They’ll see you as an “overnight success.” They don’t see the sleepless nights, or the weekends spent at home working on your business, building your brand, but you reap what you sow.
In summary, being responsible for the outcome of your life is scary, but it is thrilling. It’s empowering to not let other people affect your decisions, thoughts, and emotions so easily. Letting go of like the world owns you something – is a good thing. It’s a really good thing.