“The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear.”-Mahatma Gandhi
I remember when I was a child and my friends used to say, “It is only your imagination. Don’t worry. There is nothing to be afraid of.” But you and I know that this never really worked. Such soothing remarks may give us fear relief only for a minute or hours, but the “it’s only in your imagination” treatment doesn’t really build confidence or cure fear.
Through my daily job, I find that so many people let fear dominate all their decision-making. I have known many people who have stayed in a dead-end job, abusive relationships, or missed out on a great opportunity because they were too afraid – I was one of those people.
Yes, fear is real and we must recognise it exists before we can conquer it.
Fear – uncertainty lack of confidence explains why we still have economic recessions. Fear explains why millions of people have little and enjoy little.
So how do we cure fear and win confidence?
It is not fear itself that is the problem, but how we react when faced with it. For some people the fear is motivating. For others it creates a state of complete paralysis. People who overcome fear view it from a position of power, and may use words such as “excited” to describe the emotion rather than labelling it negatively.
As an example, one of the greatest fears for most people is the fear of public speaking. However, studies in this area have found something quite interesting. No matter how afraid of public speaking a person is, if that person is required to regularly stand up and speak to a group, eventually the person will lose their fear of speaking and become good at it. Therefore, if you want to reprogram a fear response fast, put yourself in a situation where you are faced with the fearful event again and again. This will go into your subconscious mind and quickly reprogram your fear response.
Without self-confidence, we have a tendency to make poor decisions. Self-confidence is not absence of fear, but mastery of fear. It is a foundation quality of success in every walk of life and the most recognisable attribute of a happy, healthy and successful person.
Now let me tell you how your brain works in order to cure fear and win confidence instead; your mind is like a bank. You deposit money in a bank just like you deposit thoughts in your mind. If you deposit negative thoughts, like “I can’t do that, I don’t have the money for that, I’m not smart enough to do that or even I’ll never be as successful as that person“. If these are the only thoughts you have, then these will take over your mind and as the saying goes “Your thoughts become things, so therefore it is!”
Any time that there is a problem or obstacle you have, you use your mind to think of how to solve it. If your entire mind has in it is negative thoughts, that is all you will get out of it and your problem or obstacle will never be solved. They will just continue to get bigger and bigger.
Simply the two things to do to build confidence is through efficient management of your memory bank:
- Deposit only positive thoughts in your memory bank.
- Withdraw only positive thoughts from your memory bank.
Most individuals I meet they are operating their own private museum of mental horror. Many marriage difficulties, for example, involve the “dating monster” were the dating period wasn’t satisfactory and instead of burying the memory, they reflected on it hundreds of times until it was a giant obstacle to successful marital relationships.
It is clear that people keep on withdrawing negative memories from their memory bank. The cure comes when one learns to quit drawing negatives from one’s memory bank and withdraws positives instead.
Life is full of challenges and there are times when it’s difficult to keep our self-confidence up. Sit down right now and make a list of all the things in your life that you are thankful for, and another list of all the things you are proud of accomplishing. Once your lists are complete, post them on your refrigerator door, on the wall by your desk, on your bathroom mirror–somewhere where you can easily be reminded of what an amazing life you have and what an amazing person you really are.