“The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself.” Douglas Coupland
In fact, we die alone without taking anyone with us, so why some people are afraid of being alone? Afraid of eating alone, traveling alone, going to the movies alone, etc…
A week ago, I went to the garage to fix my car and I got inspired to write this article, I believe this topic which I am going to talk about touches most of our daily lives.
I sat waiting for my turn and when I would look around everyone was on his/her phone so no one talks to another as we are trying to be busy and take our minds off from the real moment. I was one of those people who would not be able to sit alone waiting anywhere without checking Facebook.
Nowadays in our modern world, there are too many information and entertainment tools (smartphones, apps, TV, internet) which do not allow us to even pay attention to our feelings. A moment without some noisy activity is described as “boredom“, capacity to introspect and reflect is diminished because it’s deemed unnecessary.
Tolerating silence does not mean the end of the world, and it requires patience, comfort in one’s own skin and treating self as entertaining enough to be alone with. Thoughts appear in the vacuum of silence – if there is no silence, thoughts would just be scattered and would be chasing the entertainment/stimulation all the time.
Being alone and lonely, and even just the fear of being alone, make many people insecure, anxious and depressed. If you fear being alone you may become over needy of other people and feel as if you must be around people at all times. While we all, to varying degrees, need people in our life, if you feel you must have people around all the time then this need is controlling you.
I hear this time and time again from both men and women. Why are so many people afraid to be alone? The underlying cause of the fear of being alone is self-abandonment. Imagine yourself as a baby being left alone — a terrifying situation. As a tiny child, you cannot take care of yourself. You cannot get food to eat or water to drink. You cannot change your own diaper. Left alone long enough, you will die.
As an adult, this is certainly not the situation. However, if you have handed over to your partner the job of your physical and/or emotional well-being, it feels the same as being an abandoned child. This is may cause a fear of being alone. If you were to take full responsibility for yourself — valuing yourself, listening to yourself, taking loving care of yourself physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually — you might not fear being alone.
The truth is that the only time we actually feel alone is when we abandon ourselves. We may feel lonely when we want to share love with another and there isn’t anyone there, or the other person is closed to connection. But being lonely is a fact of life. It can occur within a relationship or without. In fact, few years ago I was in a relationship but I was extremely lonely, perhaps more lonely than if I had been alone. I was willing to tolerate the deep loneliness and heartbreak to avoid being alone.
I worked with myself on learning how to take responsibility for my own feelings, how to manage my loneliness and how to connect with the love, wisdom and comfort of a spiritual source of guidance.
You are never alone, and when you learn to connect deeply with your true self and your guidance, you will know you are never alone. It is this deep inner connection that takes away the fear of being alone.
If you are worried about your fears of being alone, I will share with you in my next article few ways to help you find your comfort zone.
Remember, Silence is powerful; it leaves us alone with our thoughts and only then creativity begins.